Like many people, I have had many challenges in my life. The not so unfamiliar volatile upbringing, violence, abuse, rape, traumatic sudden and untimely death of my brother, unhealthy relationships which lead to low self-esteem and confidence, which I disguised under a bravado of fake confidence/arrogance to ignore and bury the hurt.
I was in constant pain, numbing it through distractions and denial and when it got too much, projecting it on to others. Or I bulldozed my way through the pain, intent on building the perfect life. In fact on reflection, life hadn’t been effortless, it had been a hard slog trying to control every aspect, and I was fragile from the sheer effort of trying to create a seemingly perfect life.
But I did it. I had it all…. Or so I thought.
I had accumulated all the things that, according to society define a successful and happy life. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the life I had and have memories of phenomenal experiences, but aside from the children, it seemed empty and meaningless. I was deeply unhappy and it felt like there was a huge gaping hole inside of me. All the ‘stuff’ that I thought would make me happy didn’t. I had spent my entire life avoiding my deep-rooted emotional baggage and it had caught up with me. I was terrified, angry, anxious, frustrated, sad and hurt. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted and I felt alone and lost.
I realised that I needed to find the courage to face the pain so that I could find my way to happiness. I have always wanted to help people, and I had always had the ability to see and sense hurt in others, but I had to develop compassion and empathy for myself first.
I trained in various therapies to work through my own emotional map. This painful but enlightening personal journey has given me a deep level of understanding and empathy to work with my clients.
For years I’d felt as if I had been wearing a mask. Gradually peeling back the layers, getting to know who I really was, and reconnecting with my intuition enabled me to fully step into the real, free-spirited, fearless and authentic me and for the first time in my life went from living on the outside (trying to fix it) to truly belonging - to myself.
Because you're worth it
Because you're worth it.......
How do you go about building our self-worth?
How do you create enough self-worth to empower your daily decisions and actions in a way that will help you achieve your desired outcomes?
This isn’t something that you can do just once and then forget about it. It’s something that you must consistently work at.
There are 5 Stages to build self-worth:
Self-Understanding Stage - step one involves getting to know yourself at a deeper and more profound level.
Self-Acceptance Stage - is about forgiving yourself for everything you’ve done in the past and accept yourself unconditionally without judgment or excuses.
The Self-Love Stage - now you fully accept yourself, it’s time to acknowledge your true value. To do this, it’s important to begin practicing a little self-love. Which basically means treating yourself with kindness, tolerance, generosity, and compassion.
The Recognition Stage - when you have self-understanding, you fully accept yourself, you practice self-love and self-compassion, that’s when people, events, and circumstances no longer define you.
The Responsibility Stage - the final step in this process involves taking full responsibility for your life, for your circumstances, and for your problems.
Building self-worth part (a).
Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.
It's true but most of us look externally for validation and appreciation and when we don't get it, we end up feeling pretty crap.
The next few videos are tips on how to build your self worth and the first couple of stages are the most challenging as there are some soul searching questions.
Here's Stage 1 part A.
With strong self-worth you will change your life beyond your wildest dreams - what is stopping you?
Building self-worth part (b).
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because once one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” Maxwell Maltz
Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.
🔸 Become mindful.
🔸 Act on what you need rather than what you want.
🔸 Practice good self-care.
🔸 Set boundaries.
🔸 Protect yourself.
🔸 Forgive yourself.
🔸 Live intentionally.
We just need to be kinder to ourselves. If we treated ourselves the way we treated our best friend, can you imagine how much better off we would be?
Recognising your true worth is key.
RECOGNIZING YOUR TRUE WORTH IS KEY TO HAPPINESS....
It’s your choice of how you present yourself to the world.
The way you show up is the way the world sees you – and this becomes the way you see yourself.
This perception has everything to do with what you will create today and for the future.
Making the choice to recognise yourself and your strengths, your quirks, your weaknesses, your peculiarities, and your unique brilliance, is the best gift you can give to the world.
Remember you have a unique set of attributes.
How can you find the confidence to recognise and express your true worth?
You can make the choice to recognise yourself and give yourself credit for who you are and what you have achieved in life. (Believe me, there will be more than you realise)!
What do you see as your greatest strengths?
Your choice to move towards greater self-appreciation will make every moment of your life an opportunity to see new possibilities.
How are you working to improve happiness in your life?
Hope - Meditation.
Here's a short visual meditation about hope. Maybe the photos will trigger some positive memories or experiences.
How hopeful are you in at the moment?
To have hope is to want an outcome that makes your life better in some way.
I've had many conversations with people who are understandably feeling weary at the moment.
My parents often commented on my ability to be hopeful even in the most challenging times. In fact, my father would often pooh-poohed it and told me I wasn't being realistic.
Little did I know that being hopeful is an ability that keeps you going even when you can't see how.
It not only can help make a tough present situation more bearable but also can eventually improve our lives because envisioning a better future motivates you to take the steps to make it happen.
Gratitude - meditation.
Are you fed up with the confusing and multiple changes in what we can and can't do?
The reality is that we can't do much to control what the government decides.
What we can do is manage our reactions and there is research which suggests that people who regularly practice gratitude, experience more positive emotions,
feel more alive
express more compassion and kindness
have stronger immune systems
can significantly increase well-being and life satisfaction.